Do you ever hit Friday just grateful you made it through the week? To be honest, last week was one of those weeks. It seemed like everything planned changed to a no. Everything I thought I had under control went sideways. I felt horrible, my face flared again, our beach trip did not happen, the dog we were wanting was possibly a no go, and the list continued beyond those things. It felt like one of those times when no matter what I did it was enough or right.
I could not be enough for people around me and I could not give my body what it needed. Why was I having the reaction again? What did I do wrong?
I wish I could say I gave myself a pep talk and turned it all around in a day’s time. That is not the case but it is alright. I cried, I called the people I loved, I showed myself grace, and allowed myself to sit in the hardness, the sadness, and the disappointment.
2020 has been a tremendously hard year for me and probably most of us. I found in the hard seasons growth follows. Growth does not happen by skipping ahead or by trying to ignore the problem, or areas of hurt.
Back in Alaska, some of the rivers were considered braided rivers (one of just a handful of places in the world to have braided rivers). These rivers change with each season and are dynamic as they are continuously formed, consumed, and re-directed. The braided river beds are a natural representation of passing time, and re-direction fueled by what each season brings. I think growth comes when we allow pain and hardness to channel a new path, like the braided rivers, to redirect us in our thought process, redirect our goals, our motives, and our choices.
In order to gracefully re-direct, we need to allow ourselves to sit in it, to feel it, and to talk about it. I am not saying to allow it to define you but allow it to redirect you. Give yourself permission to sit in it. I truly believe growth and redirection will follow.
How has the hardness of 2020 redirected you?
(Picture from Grewingk Glacier River, Kachemak Bay, Cook Inlet, Alaska)