As I spent time these last few weeks asking myself what I need to let go of, the notion of “Not feeling like I am enough” seems to be at forefront of my mind.
As some of you may know, I have been a number of sizes in my life. For so long, I believed when I lost the weight I would feel like I was enough. However, as I lost the weight, I began to realize the lie went much deeper than what showed on the outside. When I took my season of rest, it happened right after our wedding and moved away from all my family and friends. I went from loved ones around me, a full-time job, actively involved in a church, and going to school to nothing.
When I was heavier, I overcompensated by doing more and trying to being more. I busied myself by finding my worth in what I did. Fast forward to my season of rest where I started losing weight without trying but I had no one. No friends, no schedule, and no activities. As I felt like I was not enough in one area, I tried extra hard in the another.
Now looking back on both seasons and living my current one, where I am healthy, I still struggle with not being enough. Here I am healthy but I am not working. I have been married for four years but do not have children. How do I answer when someone asks what I do? I feel guilty because I know it is a privilege to not work and focus on my health but it can also be extremely lonely.
Circumstances change. They always will. Do I put my worth in my circumstances? In what I am doing today? In what I look like today? If I did, it would be fleeting. I would not be setting myself up for success but rather disappoint and failure because life is ever changing.
I am still learning, growing, processing and practicing how to control my thoughts around this by actively pushing out the lie and speaking truth. I am enough, not because of what I do or what I look like. I am enough because I believe I am enough.
Over the next couple weeks, I am going to list more specific ways of letting go. I have to continue to rid my life of this lie and rest in the truth. For #tipthursday, I am going to share how I am practically doing that.
What thought(s) or lie(s) do you need to be free of?